


Litost

by Colamiilk



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: A Lot of People - Freeform, Anger, But he's there - Freeform, Fear, Giriko doesn't play a huge role, Lord Death is there for a bit, M/M, PTSD, Past Child Abuse, Recovery, This might not make sense to like, Trauma, and pissed off, heavy trigger warnings, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:34:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27125933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Colamiilk/pseuds/Colamiilk
Summary: “Justin, what’s wrong? You’re crying.” That wasn’t his dad’s voice… Blinking Justin was shocked to see how bleary his vision was, how when he went to rub his eyes his arms were somehow trapped in blankets that… felt soft.---Goretober 2020: Nightmare
Relationships: Giriko/Justin Law
Kudos: 9
Collections: Goretober 2020





	Litost

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I've tried writing something like this since the original Litost, which got taken down (by myself by my own choice) back in 2017, this might follow that depending on what I decide

Justin was used to feeling his father’s rough calloused hands move up his legs cold sweet smelling lotion, it was a nightly occurrence, an obsession with keeping Justin in mint condition or however he wanted to put it. To Justin’s father, appearances were everything, you had to be perfect, constantly. It didn’t matter what you were doing or what had just happened. It was the exact reason Justin wasn’t allowed to go out much, he wasn’t good enough at being perfect, not yet anyway. 

Well, that was what his father said, Justin knew that no matter how he acted this would never end though. He just adapted, wondered why his father spent so much time making sure Justin’s skin never lost it's baby softness while also not bothering to take care of his own hands that were probably normal, but felt painful against Justin’s skin they were so rough in comparison. It hurt. Everything hurt it was so scratchy compared to his overly sensitive skin… he was miserable but that didn’t matter because it made him nice to touch. 

Justin hated it, he hated all of this but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Their curtains were always closed, so there wasn’t even anything to do but stare at the ceiling and wonder when it would be over, wonder if this was really the only reason anyone would want him, that this was all he had been adopted for… It made his mouth sour to know that the answer was _yes_. 

His father adopted him when he was an infant after all, or perhaps maybe was actually his father and took him from his mother who they couldn’t let know a priest had knocked up… there wasn’t anything interesting about an infant though, nothing Justin could offer but his body… at least that was all his dad wanted. Otherwise where Justin even be? On the streets? There was no way he could survive that, especially now considering the life he had so far. He barely knew how to take care of himself his father was so controlling… no way he could even manage to protect himself from all the scary things that existed out there, that he heard on repeat in stories. 

There was no choice but to obey here, to let whatever was going to happen happen. Still when his father finished and moved up to kiss his cheek Justin flinched away, whining when his face was held still and chapped lips came tenderly, disgustingly over the soft skin. It made a shiver go up his spine, somehow still not used to this… somehow this time felt so much worse than Justin ever remembered it, swinging his hand out to slap his father off of him he froze before he managed to make contact, horrified with what he was doing.

Looking into his father’s eyes in shock, completely unable to say anything to defend himself right now… apparently that didn’t matter though, somehow his dad didn’t seem upset, he just looked as shocked as Justin did. That didn’t make sense, he was supposed to be livid, he should’ve been livid… looking away in guilt he pinched his eyes closed ready to be hit or otherwise punished for trying to fight back.

Nothing happened.

Peeking out one of his eyes he was shocked to see it was dark now, and he was laying down… his dad looked a lot younger all of a sudden… 

“Justin, what’s wrong? You’re crying.” That wasn’t his dad’s voice… Blinking Justin was shocked to see how bleary his vision was, how when he went to rub his eyes his arms were somehow trapped in blankets that… felt soft. He wasn’t softer than them for once… managing to untangle himself from everything and face his dad head on… but it wasn’t his dad at all. 

“Giriko?” It took a few moments after that name had passed through Justin’s lips for him to realize he had been dreaming, that his father was dead and he didn’t live that life anymore… It came as such a shock he spent a while just staring at the covers with blank eyes, trying to process that information. He was ok… it was all ok… Giriko’s hand came to try and lift up his chin, to try and be comforting… Justin could only flinch away, scooting back against the headboard and curling up into himself. Not wanting to be touched by anyone. 

Giriko looked so confused and heartbroken, not understanding why Justin had almost hit him for trying to give him an affectionate kiss in his sleep and was now hiding away. Justin… remembered their relationship, he knew who Giriko was, he knew he loved Giriko… but right now he didn’t. Right now he was far too lost in fear to love anyone, they were all far too scary. He was scared. Now that he knew he wasn’t there anymore he didn’t want anything to drag him back. 

His body was screaming to run, but he didn’t know where, he wanted to go find somewhere safe to hide away but where was safe? Deep down he knew there wasn’t anywhere. Deep down he knew that all the external danger was gone and now it was just him. He was where all this fear was coming from, he was the reason that everyone hadn’t just forgotten his father, why he hadn’t just been lost to time… at least for the most part. 

Hot tears dripped silently onto the bed and Justin’s hands tightened so painfully into fists that he could feel the old tough skin that Giriko called soft but clearly didn’t even know what soft was, strain and dare to snap under the pressure. If Giriko was saying anything, trying to calm him down or whatever else, Justin couldn’t hear him. It didn’t seem like he was trying that though, far too shocked by what he was seeing to really react at all. Justin hated that. He hated knowing anyone was seeing him like this.

He was supposed to be strong now, he was supposed to be so strong that people couldn’t even fathom that he had been victim to such things in his past. _That he was still so weak to such things_. Justin surely knew how it worked now, knew the warning signs… but when it happened, when he felt it going on he wasn’t sure what to do other than break down and panic. He refused to go back to that life, but at the same time he wasn’t really all that sure how to stop it. How to destroy those mind games and absolutely demolish them right in their tracks… 

People could so easily have that control over him and he was _scared_ of that. Terrified that all that ‘strength’ would be completely taken from him with just the tiniest hint of vulnerability taken advantage of. He couldn’t let that happen, there- there had to be something he could do.

A shaky hot breath came out of his mouth, so intense drool spilled out with it… he could see Giriko flinch out of the corner of his eyes, acting as if this was scarier for him right now. Sneering to himself Justin moved to his toes, crouching weirdly on their bed to lean over to his nightstand and grab his cross with fingers that went far too fast and nicked themselves on the sharp edges. This was ending now. He refused this bullshit. 

Jumping off the bed Justin heard Giriko yell something but he didn’t listen to whatever it was, he was tripping to his feet, not even bothering to get dressed as he ran out of their room to grab his keys. He slept in enough clothing it wasn’t like he was going to be doing anything illegal here and who the fuck cared beyond that? Giriko apparently cared, which was shocking for him but Justin still refused to be caught here, ducking and kicking one of Giriko’s legs out from under him when he tried to grab onto him and stop this from happening. 

The noise that Giriko made when he hit the floor with a deafening boom sounded painful, but Justin refused to get caught up in it. He didn’t even close the door behind him when he started running, knowing Giriko was going to follow after him anyway. Chances were he needed the head start anyway, Giriko could move far faster than him with his chains, why did the man have to be such a pain in the ass? Couldn’t he mind his own business for once? 

This didn’t involve him, he didn’t need to know about this. This was Justin’s past, it didn’t belong to anyone but him and he was going to seal that as the truth. No one else could have this, no one else was allowed to have his father. He _belonged_ to Justin, he didn’t exist outside of his role as Justin’s father, not anymore, not for the remainder of their existence. It was only fair payback for how long Justin had been forced to live as _nothing_ but his son. 

Giriko was screaming from the railing of their complex, probably waking people up, Justin was already on the ground level on his way to the academy though, he refused to stop now. Part of his mind reminded him that people witnessing might possibly think he was running away from Giriko because he was hurting him, which wasn’t the case at all, but the fact Giriko was turning this into a scene was horribly concerning… that would just have to be dealt with later. 

Sure enough Giriko wasn’t thinking that hard and the deafening sound of chains that were going to let the enchanter catch up started up, blasting through their residential area… God, Giriko was such a moron… Stopping dead where he was, Justin looked back over his shoulder with a murderous expression. He was waiting for Giriko to get a few feet away before he ducked into the painfully tight alley he intentionally stopped besides. The one he knew Giriko had no chance of fitting through. Ignoring the screaming and swearing he got, the enchanter calling him awful things in his annoyance, Justin just shot him a disgusted look and continued on his way. 

Nothing was going to stop him right now, he was tired of this. He couldn’t stand it anymore.

Even once he made it out the other side Justin could still hear Giriko’s chains though, presumably going around to look for him. At this point Justin swore that the only reason Giriko was still playing this game was because he didn’t want to fucking lose or whatever, stupid fucking petty shit Justin didn’t have the time for. He had to finish this _now_ , before he lost the strength to do it… Tightening his grasp on his cross Justin bit his lip at how the metal felt as if it was burning him. The memories it held too strong for him to bear while he was like this. 

Still, he didn’t let go. He couldn’t. That would hurt even worse. Starting up running again Justin ground his teeth together and ran across the empty streets to the front gates of the academy to shove his key inside, eternally grateful he had the supplies to actually get inside while he had the confidence to go through with this. He threw the gates open without blinking, leaving them open again, preferring Giriko to follow that way rather than kill himself trying to climb them. 

The man really didn’t know when to give up but Justin wasn’t going to force him to get disfigured because of that.

Justin’s bare feet slapped against the tiled floors of the academy in a weird echo with how empty it was, no one, not even employees were here right now. Justin hadn’t checked the time before all of this, but he was willing to bet it was in the early AM hours, the times where you weren’t _supposed_ to be anywhere but home. Not that he hadn’t had missions that had thrown that to the wind, and Giriko had clearly just gotten home when all of this had all started too, he wouldn’t have randomly been touching Justin if was asleep after all. 

Tripping up the stairs Justin was crying a bit as he got closer and closer to the Death Room, who knew what Lord Death was doing right now, how he would react to all of this, but Justin wasn’t planning on asking anyway. He knew his way, he had never forgotten it, there was no way he could. Thrusting his key into the Death Room, the one he had never used before and was only for extreme emergencies he twisted it and slammed the thing open, not trying to be stealthy about his sin here. He didn’t care about rules anymore, at least not around this. 

Other people making rules around this for him was disgusting anyway, Justin couldn’t understand it. This was his own business, his own life. Shoving his way inside Justin heard Lord Death say something in shock, obviously not asleep considering he wasn’t human. Justin ignored it, shocking not only Lord Death but also himself. He knew he was planning to ignore everything, but he was still amazed he was capable of it. It slowed him down for a second before he squeezed through the guillotine gates, going out the side instead of walking up the way he was supposed to. 

That would take too much _time_ , and it would let Lord Death stop him. He couldn’t let that happen, he ran through the dry sand, tripping over it and through all the crosses none of them labelled but all remembered by rather Lord Death or one of his elites… His feet sunk into the sand too much, it made him fall over before he could get there, Lord Death and now Giriko finally able to ask him what the fuck he was doing. 

Shakily getting himself up to his knees again Justin could see Giriko coming through the graveyard to grab him like a scolded puppy, but he refused for that to happen yet. He was _right_ there. Digging through the sand, literally digging up a grave he managed to get Giriko to freeze in his tracks, so shocked Justin would disrespect something like a grave. As if this was disrespect. Getting his fingers finally _finally_ around the soul he had been searching for he pulled it out with a sigh that was so relieved a couple tears fell from his eyes.

“Oh Justin…” Lord Death’s voice was filled with so much pity, but even Justin agreed it was warranted, he was a mess right now. Giriko had stopped moving, not interfering with whatever was happening, finally sensing it was something incredibly important. Having an audience wasn’t exactly Justin’s first choice… but he wasn’t going to give up just because of that. 

Holding the soul between both of hands Justin took a deep breath before bringing it up to bite into it with a bloodthirsty rage. He could see Giriko flinch off to the side but he didn’t stop for that, he ripped it apart with his teeth, eating it in the most painful way he could manage until his father was entirely gone.

No longer existing in this world besides where he had always been inside of his son.


End file.
